June is Age Without Apology Month. It’s a sentiment I champion with every fibre of my being, but I also know that for many of you, this month is Carers Week, and the reality of midlife feels less like a choice and more like a struggle to keep your head above water.
I know this because I’ve lived it.
For a long time, my life was defined by my mum’s journey with dementia. If you have ever cared for a parent through that, you know it isn’t just “busy”—it is a soul-deep exhaustion that seeps into every corner of your existence. While she is now safe in a care home, the toll that period took on my mental and physical health was immense. Trying to manage the constant, unpredictable needs of caregiving while my own hormones were all over the place was incredibly draining. It felt as though every task required double the effort, and my own needs were constantly pushed to the very bottom of a never-ending list.
I share this because I want you to know that if you feel depleted, you aren’t failing. You are human. But to keep going when life is demanding every drop of your energy, you have to get serious about your own maintenance.
The "Age Without Apology" Manifesto
Before we get into the “how,” we need to talk about the “why.” For too long, women in midlife have been told to shrink, to quieten down, and to “manage” their decline. I’m calling time on that. Ageing without apology means refusing to be invisible just because our bodies are changing. It’s about finding the things that make you feel like you again. For me, it’s this pink studded leather jacket. Whenever I put it on, I feel a surge of confidence that reminds me I’m still here. People stop me in the street to comment on it, and it serves as a daily reminder: I don’t have to fit into a beige box just because I’m in midlife.
We shouldn’t have to apologise for the brain fog, the fatigue, or the fact that we need to step back and prioritise ourselves. We are often the “sandwich generation”—squeezed between the needs of our children and our parents—but we are still the lead characters in our own stories. Taking care of your health isn’t a luxury; it’s a radical act of self-preservation. We are at a stage of life where we have more wisdom and resilience than ever before, but we can only tap into that if we stop “coping” and start reclaiming our vitality.
1. Nutrition: Fuel for Recovery
When I was in the thick of caregiving, I lived on adrenaline and whatever I could grab between appointments. My body paid the price in inflammation and fatigue. Now, I focus on repair:
💚 Prioritise Protein: I aim for protein at every meal. It keeps your blood sugar steady, which is vital for preventing those “hangry” outbursts and the mid-afternoon crash. Think eggs, Greek yoghurt, or lean protein.
💚 The “Phyto” Boost: I make a conscious effort to add flaxseeds (linseeds) and soy-based foods to my diet. They contain phytoestrogens which can gently support your system during the hormonal shifts of perimenopause.
💚 Watch the Caffeine: Coffee felt like a lifesaver when I was tired, but it was a false friend. It often made my anxiety spike and my night sweats worse. I’ve swapped those extra cups for herbal teas that actually calm the nervous system.
Exercise: Strength as a Sanctuary
When you are exhausted, a long, punishing run can actually make you feel worse by spiking your cortisol.
💜 Resistance Training: I’ve traded cardio for weights. It isn’t about vanity; it’s about bone density and keeping your metabolism firing. Lifting weights makes me feel strong, grounded, and capable of handling whatever the day throws at me.
💜 Movement Snacks: If you’re still in the middle of caregiving, you might not have an hour for the gym. I practice “movement snacks”—10 minutes of stretching, a few squats while the kettle boils, or a brisk walk. It’s for my sanity as much as my body.
Hydration: Mistaking Thirst for Fog
You might not be “losing your mind”—you might just be dehydrated.
💚 The Brain Connection: As estrogen drops, our bodies struggle to retain water, leading to headaches and “fuzzy” brain. I aim for 2 litres a day, but I stop an hour before bed so my sleep isn’t interrupted.
💚 Electrolytes: After a stressful day, I add a pinch of sea salt or an electrolyte drop to my water. It helps your body actually absorb the hydration rather than it just passing through you.
Sleep: Guarding Your Rest
Caring for a loved one with dementia often means your sleep is broken and your nervous system is on high alert. Re-establishing a “sleep sanctuary” was vital for my recovery.
💜 Cool and Dark: My bedroom is a sacred space. I keep it cool, use breathable cotton bedding, and stay away from screens an hour before bed.
💜 Magnesium: I use a magnesium spray or supplement in the evening. It’s brilliant for restless legs and calming a racing mind when you’re worrying about the next day.
My Advice for the "Sandwich Generation"
It is hard to put yourself first when you are the glue holding everything together. I’ve felt that guilt firsthand. But after my experience with my mum, I realised that I cannot pour from an empty cup. This June, I’m giving you permission to be a little “selfish.” Drink your water, lift your weights, and wear the “loud” jacket that makes you feel alive. Reclaiming your physical health is the first step in finding your joy again. You matter just as much as the people you are caring for. That is what it truly means to age without apology.